i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
