People in love make me want to vomit
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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