You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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