my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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