He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
