Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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