just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
