wrigley field is MILF paradise
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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