you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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