I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
