I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
