nut hugger
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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