Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
