I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
