i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
