I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
