apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
