It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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