Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
