soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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