Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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