You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
