i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
