i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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