Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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