Where is the hickey?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
