According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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