Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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