is your mom at the bar?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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