That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
