Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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