he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
