I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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