It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The Olympian is in my bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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