Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
