Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
