just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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