We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
