wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
