i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
