I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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