I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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