and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize