States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
