i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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