Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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