I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
