sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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