There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I AM VODKA MAN
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
