i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
