Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
nutella sex= disaster
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
