That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
