I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
