Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
