wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
