his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
