maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
