I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You don't make any sense
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