She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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