It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
