It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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