For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
