sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
