My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
