Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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